Just My Tots

When I was pregnant with Dylan, I often look at Bryan and feel sorry that within a short period of time, I will no longer be able to give him 100% of my attention. I also wonder if I will be able to love another child as much as I love him. If yes, I wonder how it is possible for me to love another being so much. How am I going to share my love between Bryan and Dylan? Do I worry? Yes, u bet i did…very much!

Given that he will soon no longer be an only child, we tried to give him as much attention as possible. Before I reached my 2nd trimester, we went for 2 family vacations – to Cameron Highlands/ Ipoh and to KL. The trips were planned with Bryan in mind, making sure that he will enjoy the places that we visit.

So Dylan came and commands 80% of my attention immediately. Just like when Bryan was small, I am extremely protective of him. In fact, I think I am bordering on possessive most of them time.

I do not have a confinement lady. So I took care of Dylan myself (almost). Well my parents & husb helped out occasionally, but I do most of the caretaking. I bf exclusively, so when it comes to feeding – I will have to do it. I bathed him myself everyday (yes, I don’t pantang). I changed his diapers. I even laundry his diapers myself. (Got washing machine ma, but still need to hang & fold la). Basically, I wanna do everything myself. Yeah, call me nuts la. Post natal hormones mah…

Since I spend so much time on Dylan, what about Bryan? Yes, I admit that I did neglect him in that first few weeks. I am very glad that my parents is around so they helped to fill in the gap I left. Of course, it was obvious at that time that he misses me tremendously. But what to do ah? I cannot double myself.

Now that Dylan is older, I am glad to say that I can now spend time with BOTH of them. I can bf Dylan while reading to Bryan. I can read with both of them together on my lap. I can hold Dylan while accompanying Bryan to play. I can help Dylan to play with Bryan. And becoz I am so used to bf lying down, I can even bf Dylan while patting, telling stories, etc to help lull Bryan to sleep. Usually..in the end, I will also fall asleep.

Yes, Bryan is no longer my only child. But now he has a new buddy at home. A new buddy to play with. A new buddy to share his joys and pains of growing up.

Bryan no longer has my complete attention. But now he has the love and adoration of a younger brother.